so tomorrow i am leaving
and going to california

which sounds a lot better than it really is.


i dont want to go i dont want to go i dont want to go i dont want to go i dont want to go i dont want to go


man. this is so bad.
i HATE leaving when there are things that are screwed up here. and i havnt even said goodbye to everyone, which i know isnt a big deal but i feel like it is.
but on the other hand, it should feel good to get on a plane and leave everything that is crazy behind and forget everything. my life isn't in as much chaos as i keep imagining it to be in right now. but i feel like it is.
and i feel like this is a showchoir trip.

and i dont want to leave my mom here alone. my brothers and my dad will be gone and she is so sad.
it is not fair at all for my kitten to be sick and for him to suffer because he is a baby and he never did anything wrong.



i hope that everything will be sunny in california. and that i will feel ok and not be as crazy as i am expecting to be.
and that i will feel alive instead of trapped.



5 days is a lot shorter than i am imagining it to be and i know i am being dumb.
i keep thiking i am moving there.
i'm not though.

but anyway, to make myself feel better atleast. goodbye. hold down the fort here in st. louis. i will be home soon.
love.